Re: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
Posted: Sun Apr 17, 2011 2:26 pm
Napulot ko lang
Three biggest tragedies in man’s life: 1, Life sucks. 2, Job sucks. 3, Wife doesn’t.
Women wear lipstick as a warning: Danger…wrong hole!
Bakit ikinahihiya ng toe ang mommy niya? Kasi foot ang ina niya!
Q: Ano ang sabi ng bulag na napadaan fish section sa wet market? A: Good morning ladies!
Q: What’s better than a rose on your piano? A: Tulips on my organ.
Q: Ano kaibahan ng kumukulong tubig at kamay ng babae? A: Ang kumukulong tubig, nagpapalambot ng karne. Ang kamay ng babae, nagpapatigas.
Husband comes to bed naked. Wife: “Not tonight I have a headache.†Husband: “Okay lang, binudburan ko ng aspirin yung t*ti ko!â€
Guy: “Iniwan na ko ng asawa ko! Puputulin ko na itong ari ko at ipapakain sa aso!†Bading: “Arf! Arf!â€
(While making love) Husband: “Ang tahimik mo naman…dumaing ka naman…†Wife: “Wala na tayong bigaaaaaaasss….â€
Anak: “Mommy, bakit mo inupuan yung ahas sa ibabaw ni daddy kagabi?†Mom: “Matapang kasi ako!†Anak: “Mas matapang si yaya, kinain pa niya kanina!â€
Q: What do you do with 365 used rubbers (condoms)? A: – You melt them, make a tire and call it a Goodyear.
A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face. The egg looked pissed off, rolls over and says: “Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question.†(Which comes first the chicken or the egg?)
(In hell) Girl: “Bakit ang liliit ng mga bird ng lalaki dito?†Satanas: “Gaga! Kung malalaki ang t*ti nila eh di parang nasa heaven na din kayo!â€
A macho guy was joining the army but came late for Physical Examination. Pagdating niya, all men were naked, ready for inspection. He looked and shouted: â€Joskoday! Ano itetch, EAT ALL YOU CAN ?!?â€
Bata: “Tay, kapatid ko po ba si Ninong?†Ama: “Hindi, anak. Kumpare ko yon. Bakit mo naitanong?†Bata: “Kasi po Tay, nakita ko si Ninong dumedede din kay Nanay…â€
Student: “Ma’am, ang utot po ba bumubukol sa pantalon?†Teacher: “Siyempre hindi!†Student: “Patay, eh tae na to!â€
(at a drugstore) Bading: “Miss, meron kayong extra large condom?†Pharmacist: “Meron.†Bading: “Sige, dito lang ako tatayo ha? Tawagin mo ko pag may bumili.â€
Q: What’s the difference between a condom and a coffin? A: Both hold something stiff, but one is coming and the other is going.
Did you know that loss of teeth leads to no sex? “Pag wala kang ipin, wala kantooth.â€
Apo: “Lolo, what are you reading?†Lolo: “History book.†Apo: “But lolo, that’s a book about sex!†Lolo: “At my age, sex IS history.â€
Son: “Mommy, bakit yung putotoy ng kaklase ko, parang champoy?†Mom: “Bakit, kulubot?†Son: “Hindi, maalat.â€
Guy to Girl during her birthday party: “Ikaw ang mag-slice ng cake, gusto ko kasi matikman yung hiwa mo eh.â€
Guy: “Tara let’s go out for pizza and sex!†Girl: “What?!? No way!†Guy: “Ay bakit, ayaw mo ng pizza?â€
Q: Paano nagkasya ang 71 na tao sa isang kotse? A: Dalawa sa harap, 69 sa likod.
Erap: “You want peanuts?†Glo: “Ayoko, pini-pimples ako sa mani.†Erap: “Talaga? Ako sa mukha lang…â€
Q: “Anong kaibahan ng pakwan sa babae?†A: “Ang pakwan binibiyak muna bago kainin. Ang babae, baligtad.â€
Lady: “Doc, may discharge ako, kulay brown. May STD ba ako?†Doc: “Ilang beses ka ba kung mag-sex?†Lady: “Once every 5 years.†D: “Ha? Hindi yan STD…kalawang yan!â€
Wife 1: “Mare, pag nakikita ko tong mga patatas, naaalala ko betlog ng mister ko.†Wife 2: “Ha, ganyan kalaki?†Wife 1: “Hindi, ganyan kadumi!â€
Husband: “I treat my wife like a sex object. When I ask for sex, she objects!â€
Girl 1: “Do you use oral contraceptives?†Girl 2: “Shet, :O yun ah! Sabi niya hindi nakakabuntis pag oral?â€
Guy 1: “Alam mo yung joke tungkol sa dahon?†Guy 2: “Hindi pa!†Guy 1: “Ay, wag nalang…masyadong green.â€
Sperm 1: “Pagod na ko! Malayo pa ba tayo sa ovary?†Sperm 2: “Malayong-malayo pa! Kaka-lampas palang natin sa tonsils eh!â€
Q: “Magbigay ng synonym ng PUKE?†A: “Eh di VOMIT!†(mga bastos!)
Anak: “Inay, masarap po ba ang hayop?†Inay: “Depende sa hayop, at depende sa luto. Bakit mo naman naitanong?†Anak: “Kasi po kagabi, narinig ko sabi ni itay kay yaya, ‘Hayop ka, ang sarap mo!’â€
Teacher: “Ano ang kaibahan ng 69 sa 6.9?†Student: “Ma’am yun pong 6.9 mas kadiri…kasi may period.â€
Three biggest tragedies in man’s life: 1, Life sucks. 2, Job sucks. 3, Wife doesn’t.
Women wear lipstick as a warning: Danger…wrong hole!
Bakit ikinahihiya ng toe ang mommy niya? Kasi foot ang ina niya!
Q: Ano ang sabi ng bulag na napadaan fish section sa wet market? A: Good morning ladies!
Q: What’s better than a rose on your piano? A: Tulips on my organ.
Q: Ano kaibahan ng kumukulong tubig at kamay ng babae? A: Ang kumukulong tubig, nagpapalambot ng karne. Ang kamay ng babae, nagpapatigas.
Husband comes to bed naked. Wife: “Not tonight I have a headache.†Husband: “Okay lang, binudburan ko ng aspirin yung t*ti ko!â€
Guy: “Iniwan na ko ng asawa ko! Puputulin ko na itong ari ko at ipapakain sa aso!†Bading: “Arf! Arf!â€
(While making love) Husband: “Ang tahimik mo naman…dumaing ka naman…†Wife: “Wala na tayong bigaaaaaaasss….â€
Anak: “Mommy, bakit mo inupuan yung ahas sa ibabaw ni daddy kagabi?†Mom: “Matapang kasi ako!†Anak: “Mas matapang si yaya, kinain pa niya kanina!â€
Q: What do you do with 365 used rubbers (condoms)? A: – You melt them, make a tire and call it a Goodyear.
A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face. The egg looked pissed off, rolls over and says: “Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question.†(Which comes first the chicken or the egg?)
(In hell) Girl: “Bakit ang liliit ng mga bird ng lalaki dito?†Satanas: “Gaga! Kung malalaki ang t*ti nila eh di parang nasa heaven na din kayo!â€
A macho guy was joining the army but came late for Physical Examination. Pagdating niya, all men were naked, ready for inspection. He looked and shouted: â€Joskoday! Ano itetch, EAT ALL YOU CAN ?!?â€
Bata: “Tay, kapatid ko po ba si Ninong?†Ama: “Hindi, anak. Kumpare ko yon. Bakit mo naitanong?†Bata: “Kasi po Tay, nakita ko si Ninong dumedede din kay Nanay…â€
Student: “Ma’am, ang utot po ba bumubukol sa pantalon?†Teacher: “Siyempre hindi!†Student: “Patay, eh tae na to!â€
(at a drugstore) Bading: “Miss, meron kayong extra large condom?†Pharmacist: “Meron.†Bading: “Sige, dito lang ako tatayo ha? Tawagin mo ko pag may bumili.â€
Q: What’s the difference between a condom and a coffin? A: Both hold something stiff, but one is coming and the other is going.
Did you know that loss of teeth leads to no sex? “Pag wala kang ipin, wala kantooth.â€
Apo: “Lolo, what are you reading?†Lolo: “History book.†Apo: “But lolo, that’s a book about sex!†Lolo: “At my age, sex IS history.â€
Son: “Mommy, bakit yung putotoy ng kaklase ko, parang champoy?†Mom: “Bakit, kulubot?†Son: “Hindi, maalat.â€
Guy to Girl during her birthday party: “Ikaw ang mag-slice ng cake, gusto ko kasi matikman yung hiwa mo eh.â€
Guy: “Tara let’s go out for pizza and sex!†Girl: “What?!? No way!†Guy: “Ay bakit, ayaw mo ng pizza?â€
Q: Paano nagkasya ang 71 na tao sa isang kotse? A: Dalawa sa harap, 69 sa likod.
Erap: “You want peanuts?†Glo: “Ayoko, pini-pimples ako sa mani.†Erap: “Talaga? Ako sa mukha lang…â€
Q: “Anong kaibahan ng pakwan sa babae?†A: “Ang pakwan binibiyak muna bago kainin. Ang babae, baligtad.â€
Lady: “Doc, may discharge ako, kulay brown. May STD ba ako?†Doc: “Ilang beses ka ba kung mag-sex?†Lady: “Once every 5 years.†D: “Ha? Hindi yan STD…kalawang yan!â€
Wife 1: “Mare, pag nakikita ko tong mga patatas, naaalala ko betlog ng mister ko.†Wife 2: “Ha, ganyan kalaki?†Wife 1: “Hindi, ganyan kadumi!â€
Husband: “I treat my wife like a sex object. When I ask for sex, she objects!â€
Girl 1: “Do you use oral contraceptives?†Girl 2: “Shet, :O yun ah! Sabi niya hindi nakakabuntis pag oral?â€
Guy 1: “Alam mo yung joke tungkol sa dahon?†Guy 2: “Hindi pa!†Guy 1: “Ay, wag nalang…masyadong green.â€
Sperm 1: “Pagod na ko! Malayo pa ba tayo sa ovary?†Sperm 2: “Malayong-malayo pa! Kaka-lampas palang natin sa tonsils eh!â€
Q: “Magbigay ng synonym ng PUKE?†A: “Eh di VOMIT!†(mga bastos!)
Anak: “Inay, masarap po ba ang hayop?†Inay: “Depende sa hayop, at depende sa luto. Bakit mo naman naitanong?†Anak: “Kasi po kagabi, narinig ko sabi ni itay kay yaya, ‘Hayop ka, ang sarap mo!’â€
Teacher: “Ano ang kaibahan ng 69 sa 6.9?†Student: “Ma’am yun pong 6.9 mas kadiri…kasi may period.â€