Heart Attack Thread (Usapang busted, Lovelife, atbp)

[grayfox17]

ang hirap talaga maging kabit...

dito mo mararanasan talaga na literal magtatalo ang puso at konsensya mo kung alin ang mas tama.

kahit gaano ka ka-logical mag isip pero pag kumabig ang emosyon mo basag ka talaga.

[Daniel]

What should I do? The girl I'm courting has a crush on me, but she said to me that she is not ready to have a boyfriend right now.

Paasa lang ba?

hintayin mo lang. baka drama lang yung 'not ready' e. ituloy mo lang yung panliligaw pero wag mo munag i-bring up tung topic tungkol sa inyo.

[PH.Queso]

What should I do? The girl I'm courting has a crush on me, but she said to me that she is not ready to have a boyfriend right now.

Paasa lang ba?

hintayin mo lang. baka drama lang yung 'not ready' e. ituloy mo lang yung panliligaw pero wag mo munag i-bring up tung topic tungkol sa inyo.

Will do boss, pero hirap kasi e, minsan naiisip ko parang pinapaasa lang eh. but I'm still thinking more on the positive side of it.

[sups]

Update: 16th Dec. 2013

I saw her again today..closer than the last time...

i was walking towards the escalator at Khatib station..all of sudden i thought to myself, what if i saw her walking down the stairs..so glanced at the opposite stairs before i made my way up the elevator..

and there she was..she stood there for a moment, as if surprised..

i glanced at her, then i looked away..
i didn't know what to do..so i hasted towards the escalator and made my way up, pretending i didn't see her..

Kakalungkot yan bro..wala ka ng gf di ba?single na rin siya...baka puwede na yan bro...bakit kayo nag away nung last time na nag usap kayo?(masyado ba prsonal tanong ko?ok lang hindi sagutin..hehe

Sa akin naman...hehe..yung girl na gumulo sa isip ko dati, hindi na rin kami naguusap,text etc. since july. Sa insta ko na lang siya tinitingnan ngayon..haha..ala eh, hindi talaga pwde eh..hehe

[javaChip56]

@sups
mahabang storya sir, pero ang dahilan eh kinukulit ko syang mag-meet kami..pero ayaw nya..kung ano-ano dinadahilan nya..so nagtalo lang kame..since then hindi kami nagusap..nito lang new year's eve ulit..
nagsend ako sa kanya ng new year greetings..hindi na ko nagexpect ng reply..pero kinabukasan nabasa ko yung reply nya na 3x na smiley..
so ako naman si tanga na-excite,positive vibes for the new year..
so kinabukasan nag send ulit ako ng message sa kanya..

this time nageexpect ako ng reply..
pero wala..
ako lang nabibigay ng meaning ampf!! nakaka-frustrate na..TEXT SPEAK VIOLATION wala pa makausap..

[Daniel]

subukan mong mag-message nang mag-message, yung may tanong na hindi lang oo o hindi ang sagot. subukan mo rin na wala yung "nagtalo" na part. baka naii-stress siya pag alam nyang yung taong kausap nya aawayin lang siya.

suggestion lang

[javaChip56]

sinubukan ko na sir..
last na message ko sa kanya, nag wish lang ako ng goodluck para sa career nya for the year ahead..wala talaga reply kahit "thanks" na pilit..

[Sn@kemaru]

since new year, try mo fresh start. parang magsisimula pa lang kayo magkakilala, magkaibigan. try lang.

[solstice]

Na-tripan ko lang bisitahin yung thread na ito. Nag-backread pa ako para lang ma-gets yung story ni sir javachip. From a female perspective, Jean definitely had a thing for you. Sure posible na she's one of the naturally affectionate types pero iba yung affection we show kung close friend/older brother lang ang tingin namin sa guys. Hindi kesyo touchy-feely, sugary sweet or attentive kami sainyo eh ibig sabihin type ka, may iba't ibang level yun. It doesn't necessarily mean na pinapaasa lang kayo Pero the fact that she let you, dare I say, spoil her (spoil as in sobrang attentive ka at hindi yung spoil-huthot ha lol), proves that she was really into you.

I think the problem is masyado ka mabilis. Yeah you took your time to get to know her, made her feel comfy etcetera etcetera. Opinion ko lang ha, but had you waited for some time (after breaking up with your long-time gf) BEFORE telling her how you felt, it could have been different. Nay, it would have been different.

Una mong mistake: telling her you'll unfriend her in FB. Red flag raised. Ang intention mo for doing it was so she won't think it's because of her. MALI. Women tend to overthink things at dahil dun, para mo na rin sinabi sa kanya na sya ang dahilan. It was like she and you were cheating on your ex, kaso hindi alam ni Jean na ganun pala ang nangyayari. At sino ba namang matinong babae ang gustong maging dahilan ng breakup? Lalo na third party ang dahilan kung bakit sila nag-break ng bf nya. Though this does expose one very positive about her: matino syang girl

Second~! "i don't have time to meet up with you" --> unless ganyan talaga sya pag wala sya sa mood kausapin ka, it should have been an obvious red flag again lalo na this happened after the unfriending on FB incident. The conditions weren't really favorable, the confession was doomed to fail. At kung distraught ka because she turned you down, imagine what she felt when her fear was confirmed na she was the cause of the breakup. Let's be honest here, sya ang dahilan. As the old saying goes, kung gusto may paraan, kung ayaw may dahilan. Kung gustong ayusin ang relationship, may paraan. Kung ayaw ng ayusin, ano o sino ang dahilan

The fact that you were able to elicit a reaction from her when you last saw her suggests she still has very strong feelings towards you. I'd say it's something positive kasi kung negative yun hindi ka na sana pinansin haha.

Yung text nya sayo na "losing you as a friend is like losing a brother"...eching lang yun. Hindi ka na-bro zoned. Deliberate yun, that's just her sending you a very strong message meaning "give me time." Wag ka mag-text ng mag-text, nakaka-irita yun ahaha Try to find a balance, you're keeping your distance pero you're never too far.

[PH.Queso]

^ nakakairita ba talaga kapag text ng text yung boy sa girl?

[javaChip56]

@solstice
thanks very much Ma'am. sent you PM asking for advice..sensya ns po sa abala..

[Daniel]

Minsan gagana yung pa-miss effect.

[javaChip56]

@daniel
yung 3 months na hindi ako nagparamadam walang effect..

[ChardPurple]

^

Try mo pa ng mas matagal I guess.

BTW I'm impressed sa reply ni solstice, it is really informative especially to people like me who lacks girl friends (not GF of course).

[javaChip56]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BL--kbe ... ata_player
totally can relate to this..
and the stalking part..

[triple_zzz]

Hi, im a bit new here and happened to pass by.. A bit curious sa story ni sir javachip56 at sir sups.. pero kabaligtaran kasi ako yung iniwan.. Pero hindi naman ako bitter gusto ko lang din maintindihan from your perspective.. 7 years kme at ok naman ang lahat until nagkaroon ng third party. Naniniwala ako na all relationship has a cycle... Sa una nakakakilig tlga until magfafade yun at magkakasawaan... sa una attractive kayo sa isat isa hanggang sa mawala na yung kilig.. nabasa ko di yun sa book.
Nagsawa na din ako pero palagi ko lang iniisip lahat ng napagdaanan namin at lahat yun kinaya namin kaya hindi ako sumuko... komportable na kame sa isat isa... Pero siya yung sumuko... Medyo bitter ako nung una kasi palagi ako nsa tabi niya at hindi ko siya iniwan kahit na alam ko na hindi ako perpekto dahil siya rin naman hindi... Hanggang sa namatay yung parents nya at lalo ako naawa sa kanya... Lalo ko ginusto na alagaan na lang siya kasi wala na siya kasama... Nag iisa siyang anak at wala na siya iba family nasa ibang bansa na so i feel that God gave him to me to be my partner. Its a challenge for me kasi marami tukso pero hindi ko kasi kaya manakit ng tao so i stick to him and try to love him.. ok kame as partners, just being practical... Pero he started to move away. I thought its normal sa una at ok lang basta we have each other in the end. Na shock ako na may babae pala siya kinahuhumilingan at yun TEXT SPEAK VIOLATION pinili nya kahit na kakakilala lang nila.. Sobra ako nalungkot at nasaktan kasi nagpadalos dalos siya at parang hindi nag iisip. Gusto ko lang po malaman para din maka move on ako...  di ba decision lang ang love? Falling in love is easy but staying in love is not.. Its hardwork that requires wisdom. and it is worth it pag nahanap mo yung tao na marunong magmahal.. kasi sa tagal namin magkasama na feel ko na masaya kame... Akala ko family na kame.Siguro lack of exp din on his part kasi di naman siya nagka gf.. Ano b masusugest nyo? Parang hindi na tuloy ako naniniwala sa love :'(

[silent_will]

I guess I'm not the best person to answer this question cuz personally I don't believe in love or maybe I just have not experienced true love yet or better yet it's just me who really don't know how to love. Sa cases ko masasabi kong I quickly fall in love with the relationship and the thought of being with someone and building a future together, yung sa tao infatuation lang which like what happened to you after a while nagfafade at nakakasawa.

[grayfox17]

Hi, im a bit new here and happened to pass by.. A bit curious sa story ni sir javachip56 at sir sups.. pero kabaligtaran kasi ako yung iniwan.. Pero hindi naman ako bitter gusto ko lang din maintindihan from your perspective.. 7 years kme at ok naman ang lahat until nagkaroon ng third party. Naniniwala ako na all relationship has a cycle... Sa una nakakakilig tlga until magfafade yun at magkakasawaan... sa una attractive kayo sa isat isa hanggang sa mawala na yung kilig.. nabasa ko di yun sa book.
Nagsawa na din ako pero palagi ko lang iniisip lahat ng napagdaanan namin at lahat yun kinaya namin kaya hindi ako sumuko... komportable na kame sa isat isa... Pero siya yung sumuko... Medyo bitter ako nung una kasi palagi ako nsa tabi niya at hindi ko siya iniwan kahit na alam ko na hindi ako perpekto dahil siya rin naman hindi... Hanggang sa namatay yung parents nya at lalo ako naawa sa kanya... Lalo ko ginusto na alagaan na lang siya kasi wala na siya kasama... Nag iisa siyang anak at wala na siya iba family nasa ibang bansa na so i feel that God gave him to me to be my partner. Its a challenge for me kasi marami tukso pero hindi ko kasi kaya manakit ng tao so i stick to him and try to love him.. ok kame as partners, just being practical... Pero he started to move away. I thought its normal sa una at ok lang basta we have each other in the end. Na shock ako na may babae pala siya kinahuhumilingan at yun TEXT SPEAK VIOLATION pinili nya kahit na kakakilala lang nila.. Sobra ako nalungkot at nasaktan kasi nagpadalos dalos siya at parang hindi nag iisip. Gusto ko lang po malaman para din maka move on ako...  di ba decision lang ang love? Falling in love is easy but staying in love is not.. Its hardwork that requires wisdom. and it is worth it pag nahanap mo yung tao na marunong magmahal.. kasi sa tagal namin magkasama na feel ko na masaya kame... Akala ko family na kame.Siguro lack of exp din on his part kasi di naman siya nagka gf.. Ano b masusugest nyo? Parang hindi na tuloy ako naniniwala sa love :'(

be honest, are u telling us the whole story? dont worry, u dont have to but remember this, there is a reason for everything, hindi maghhanap ng iba ang isang guy/girl kung happily contented sila sa current relationship nila. Im sure there might be things said and done between the two of you na kayo lang nakakaalam throughout your relationship. And its time to rewind those and see sino at saan nagkaroon ng pagkukulang and how those could have been fixed. Dont hold back on this one - just try to remember yung mga nagawa nya para syo versus sa mga nagawa mo para sa kanya then you'll see. I know its wrong na magtimbang or magbilangan ng "efforts" pero that should give you an idea somehow.

Constant communication talaga ang key towards a better relationship. That will give way to building trust & respect.

Think about it.

[javaChip56]

Falling in love is easy but staying in love is not.. Its hardwork that requires wisdom.

true..but this only supports sir grayfox's statement..he may have his fault for not being strong enough to stick with you..but you may have your own faults as well..in my case, I felt more caring from jean than my ex..well at least while we were together..and I fell for that and fell out of my current relationship because I felt more loved..she made me feel appreciated..those things that I didn't feel with my ex gf during those times..at first I was hesitant..you know it is never easy for the one leaving..but I had to make that decision..because at that time I thought I found someone who I can be happy with finally..my ex told me I was being blinded, perhaps that was true..I found that amount of caring from another person..those that I used to see in my ex..now don't get me wrong..I'm not perfect either..but as you said, Love is a decision..and staying in love requires hard work, wisdom and attention..

Falling in love is easy, but staying in it is not..As do finding the right person..it's a constant state of love and hurt..and it is never easy for the one leaving..much more for the one being left behind..

but looking at this positively.. this is your chance to meet new people..
just don't be afraid to fall in love..

[grayfox17]

^not trying to feed the bitter pill here but just to drop my opinion na rin, the conquest in finding mr/ms right is never ending kasi that's what our society & tradition tells us to do - that there is someone better out there for us. Everytime we listen to these norms we tend to abide by them not bec that is the generally accepted idea but bec of the fear of the ridicule we would get from the people around us of not having someone special or not settling down by reaching a certain age. Remember how our folks would bug us to find someone to settle down with or how your married friends would make kantyaw at you for staying single for a long time? That's just one of them.

If finding this mr/ms right would make you feel at ease then go for it, nobody's gonna stop you but deep inside, is it what you really want or what others only want for you? Would you risk getting hurt again just to gamble your feelings once more for another person? The thing is, love is a vicious cycle, you meet someone u like, you get acquainted then sooner or later you settle down tapos u have kids then when you think everything is falling into place all of a sudden biglang magkakasawaan na naman.... sounds familiar? its a lot common than you think.

The key thing here is contentment. You just simply need to find out what really makes you happy. You don't go rushing out to find a rebound relationship, its not gonna help you kasi bibigat lang lalo konsensya mo. Only time will help you realize this, not us, not your family, friends, co-workers, or even your exes.

There is a saying nga "kung ayaw mo masaktan, wag ka magmahal" ... very blunt but true to its core isnt it? At this point, what im trying to say is you gotta slow down and use your head. Take your time. Once maintindihan mo to, you'd be surprised na bigla ka na lang mapapangiti one day.